Other Things I Am Bad About

My doctor was also frustrated with me yesterday for not taking my Vitamin D. It was in the toilet, like it has been for the last year since I started seeing her. I just can't seem to remember to take it. My thyroid meds I'm good at but Vitamins, not so much.

I've been better about drinking water, but I need to kick it up.

And I've been HORRIBLE about getting enough sleep. I did a week of 8 hour nights and that was fabulous, but then I reverted to old habits. There's no excuse for this.  I don't have kids. I have a 40-hour a week job, a dog, and two cats. There are no commitments that should reasonably keep me up so late.

So I need to be better about those three things.  I'm going to try to do exactly everything my doctor wants before my next appointment. I pay a lot to see this specialist - I should probably listen to her.

A Naan Before We Say Goodbye

So, I got some good and bad news from my thyroid specialist today.

She thinks I'm at optimal levels in my thyroid treatment. I'm inclined to believe her - I looked at my T3, FT3, T4, and TSH and they all looked great. Truthfully, I feel good too.  A lot of my peskiest thyroid symptoms - brain fog, aches and pains, hands falling asleep when I'm sleeping - have all abated in the last several months.

So that's good. Yay.

There's just one problem:

I've been gaining and losing the same 4 pounds for the last several months. I didn't forget about this blog; I just felt like a huge fucking failure because after I saw the other side of that 200 mark, I never saw it again. I've been bouncing in the 203-207 range, and that's with more food, less food, more exercise, less exercise, etc. Pretty much any adjustment I could make to my calorie intakes and exercise I have made, hoping to see some real movement.

Now, I haven't religiously stuck to weight watchers tracking 24/7, and that's not good. But I certainly haven't been binging or doing anything crazy.

I feel broken. I walk 6-8 miles a day. Most days I do some elliptical or swimming too. And my calories are almost always under 1700.  And still I don't lose.

I feel broken and ashamed. I want this to work, but it just doesn't.  I want to be able to eat things in moderation, and weigh a nice healthy weight. But it just doesn't happen for me.

So...where does that leave me?

My doctor wants me to give up gluten. She thinks my body might be reacting to it and holding onto weight. She said she's seen really good results in people who have given it up.  I know in the past I've done really well on low carb, but it's just a lifestyle I particularly enjoy. The steak I can handle, but giving up delicious bagels and naan...sigh.

She's not insisting I go full low carb, but I'm wondering if I might want to do it anyway. Gluten free and low-ish carb. Maybe something like paleo, because I do love fruit.

I'm leaving for the Middle East this weekend, and eating low carb or gluten free is nearly impossible there, so I'm just going to eat normally for the next week. During that time I'll ponder what I should do, and decide on either just gluten free or a modified low carb plan. Tonight I eat Indian food, complete with hot naan.  I'll miss it.

When Willpower Isn't Enough

Last week while I was at work, my dog turned on her old friend, the chaise lounge.  I came home to this scene of upholstered carnage:

I couldn't get too mad at the dog.  She's a dog. Somewhere in the course of the day, she realized that the couch was filled with delightful stuffing, and decided to have some fun.  It wasn't a piece of furniture I was particularly attached to - it was an old IKEA one that I kept in the room where I keep the dog during the day.

But the point is, she did what was in her nature. And my job is to set her up for success.  She will do what's in her nature, and I have to make sure that's she's in an environment where she doesn't get into trouble.  So I started crating her during the day. Not something I ever wanted to do, but she clearly wasn't able to handle being in her own room all day.  She's been doing much better.

How does this relate to my journey?  I made a mistake this week. I overestimated my own willpower. I thought I could train myself to overcome what's in my nature.  And my nature is to binge on certain foods, especially salty, crunchy foods.

It happened at Costco. A company was giving out samples of these insanely good chips called Chip'ins - made of pressed popcorn and a shitload of flavor in such things as buffalo wings and jalapeno ranch.  Because they were for a limited time only, I picked up two ENORMOUS bags (20 servings each). Now, they are healthier than normal chips, but not when you eat half your body weight in them.  In 24 hours I consumed the better part of both bags.

I finally had a reality check and tossed the remainder (and took the trash out as well).  They were good, but I clearly am not in a position to exercise good portion control with these evil little temptations.

I'm not going to beat myself up about it though.  I was down to about 197 last week (after a long walk). I'm doing well, and this is for life.  I will slip and falter. And I'll recover.  I know my own weaknesses and need to make sure to set myself up for success, just like I do with my dog.

The Joy of A Home Elliptical

At the moment last year when I realized that my weight was keeping me from being able to do things I loved, like hiking, I impulsively ordered an elliptical machine.  I got a good deal from Nordic Track and arranged for it to be delivered and set up in my spare bedroom, where I promptly ignored it for a few months.  I mainly ignored it because I was doing most of my exercise with my dog, who I adopted around the same time.

Now that I'm in slightly better shape and feeling like exercising more, I've been using the elliptical a lot more, and I have to say I LOVE having it.  Elliptical and recumbent bike are the two machines I've ever used religiously at my gym, and having it at home is wonderful.

Why do I love it so much?

1 - Waking up and walk 10 feet to use it.  In the past, to go to the gym, I would have had to get dressed, bundle up, travel to the gym, etc. That cuts into both my desire to go in the first place and the time I have to spend there.

2 - I can wear whatever the fuck I want. I can use it in my underwear. I often use it in my pajamas. The dog doesn't care.

3 - The iPad fits perfectly in the magazine rack, and I can watch shows on Netflix while using it.

4 - No mirrors in my second bedroom, so I don't have to see my flab bouncing as I work out.

5 - It's a good way to kill a few minutes.  I don't have to take a whole trip to the gym. I can just do a short workout if that's all I have time for. Whereas now I do a minimum of 20 minutes in the morning, which is a perfectly good workout. I've also been trying to do some in the evening but I need to work on my schedule.

6 - I can drink fresh coffee in the mornings while I work out. Yeah, it might not be the best thing for hydration but it works for me! Oooh maybe sometime I'll try a gin and tonic!

7 - Hell is other people, especially other people at the gym. I don't have to see those disgustingly fit people at the gym, or get harassed by trainers trying to sell me their services. Everyone just leaves me the hell alone, which is the way I like it.

8 - The shower's right there too.  Bed --> Elliptical --> shower and I'm still in the same 25-foot radius!

9 - No time limits or dirty looks from people waiting.  I can watch a whole movie when I'm in the mood.

10 - Bare feet, which means my feet never get numb from my shoes and the repetitive motion.

All in all, it's a huge help to my fitness regimen and I wish I'd gotten it years ago!

The Trouble with TOM

Yes, I'm talking about that Time of the Month, and the havoc it wreaks on my weight loss goals.

When I last posted, I was staring at the 100s, but I never made it there. Instead I managed to gain a couple pounds since last week. Now, I know it's phantom weight due to TOM (at one point this week I was up 5 pounds) but it doesn't make it any easier to see that higher number on the scale.

I do need to up the exercise a bit next week though and drink more water. I didn't do much exercise beyond dog walking this week and I was woefully short on my water drinking. So those are my two goals for this week, and hopefully I'll see a much lower number on the scale next week.

Dancing on the Edge of ONEderland

I'm almost to my first big milestone! ONEderland!

I just weighed in at 200.6 pounds, which is mind-boggling to me because it means the past, uh, 29 pounds haven't been a total fluke, or water weight, or whatever I usually tell myself when I don't want to believe this is actually working. I've struggled with my thyroid and trouble losing weight for so long that it doesn't seem real.

But it is!  I picked up a 30-pound bag of dog food the other night just to remind myself of how significant is is. That's how much weight I'm NOT schlepping around right now, how much weight is not straining my back or hurting my feet or joints. It's a great feeling!

So I'm alllllmost in the 100s. That's big. That's HUGE.  I'm huge, I know, but that's a huge deal for me. It was shocking for me the first time I faced the scale after gaining so much and saw that I was around 215 (I thought I was around 185 at the time), but now it's great to be saying goodbye to the 200s on the way down, never to see them again.

So here's hoping tomorrow morning I wake up and the first number on the scale is a big number ONE.

A Day in the Life

I'm very excited - down another few pounds. I'm at 202 now.  27 pounds since I started, 12 of which were in January alone (since I started Weight Watchers).

So I thought I'd share what I've been eating and doing for exercise since it seems to be working.

Breakfast:
I either have 1 cup of steel cut oatmeal (with a bit of splenda for sweetness) or two servings of Trader Joes High Fiber Cereal.

For my first snack I bring fat-free greek yogurt, which I sometimes gussy up with pomegranate seeds.  I also bring bananas and clementines.

For lunch and dinner I usually have something like rice with 15 bean soup, chicken and wild rice soup (I figured out a light recipe), or something else like that.

For evening snacks I'll have a miniature bagel with cheese or peanut butter, air-popped popcorn with a drizzle of flax seed oil and salt, or a strawberry milkshake made with skim milk, frozen strawberries, splenda and vanilla extract.

That's it. It keeps me filled up and I haven't really struggled with my Points at all.

For exercise I've been walking the dog a lot - we do about 2 miles in the morning, 3-4 in the afternoon, and another 2 before bed. I figure that's helping to keep my metabolism going all day, plus it keeps the dog happy too.

So that's my secret.  It's boring but I dig it.  I've been loving the bean soup so much I made my own mix:

FYI, 15 1-pound bags of beans makes 15 pounds of mixed beans. Should last me a LONG time.